Muted Vision

Today as I was riding my bike without my glasses it struck me just how little I see when I do not wear my glasses. How much I miss when I cannot see the details at a distance. My eyesight is just bad enough that I am legally required to wear glasses to drive, but not near so bad that I would have too much trouble living without them. I can see trees and branches, but distinguishing individual leaves at a distance across the yard just isn’t possible without strain. Even those things which I can distinguish have intangible edges, it is like this for anyone who is nearsighted, the difference is the distance. You may see the shape of things, but you miss the texture of life when you are nearsighted.

I was thinking as I rode about the differences between myself and my siblings. Both of them are very extroverted people which is a stark contrast to my more introverted personality. I am certainly comfortable in social situations, but I do not seek them, and I entertain myself with a number of seclusive hobbies which I have developed intently over the years. My brother frequently attends and hosts parties and seems to have plans every day with people, the few days this is not the case he’ll be online playing games with voice chat. My sister is similar. Both have near perfect eyesight.

We actively avoid stress as a way of managing our sanity. It seems natural that if the very act of looking out your window is a strain on your brain trying to make sense of the blurry menagerie of colours that you will avoid doing that consciously or not. You will more likely read a book, draw, or try to work out something which you can set in front of you and deal with. You are less likely to deal with fast moving objects in team sports, or to enjoy socializing with large groups of blurry loud figures.

It becomes easier to be an introvert when there is only a meter of space in front of you which is crystal clear and the rest of the world descends into a blurry haze beyond you.

If this sounds stark and frightening, it isn’t meant to be. I love my life. I love who I am and my abilities and passions. I do believe that the few developmental years I spent before I got glasses shaped me in some fundamental ways, but I think that will serve me better than it could have possibly hurt. I do not know if I would have spent as much time drawing or reading or programming and learning to enjoy myself. It might be that it wouldn’t have made a difference. In any case, you cannot live on what might have been. I only know who I am right now.

If you want to think of something stark and frightening consider the farsighted person who can only see at a distance what they can never hold and examine closely. They can’t even see the details of their own hands. Frustration at anything closer than your arm span would certainly reward looking and casting outward for stimulation. The closer it is, the harder to grasp, what kind of futility would that be to deal with on a daily basis?

Me? I’m just glad we invented glasses, I think I’ll be wearing mine next time I go for a bike ride.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 3rd, 2009 at 6:09 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.