Change is Good
Even if you’re doing well, mixing up your life a bit can add texture and slow the perceived march of time. I gave my notice at Squareflo nearly three months ago because I really want to be developing games. I took the job with all parties being aware of my ambitions and hopes and dreams and realizing that my position would be a temporary one. I’ve actually stayed longer than I originally intended to, I found interesting rewarding work and am happy with my time at this company. I feel like I’ve really made a positive impact with Squareflo’s business and am content leaving at this point. With that said, I also think I’ve done about all the personal growth I can with the type of work I’ve been doing. I have gotten an itch to go out and flex my abilities in new ways.
Three months is a long time to give anyone notice that you are leaving. That’s about the amount of time I figured it would take me to complete a large project I was in the middle of, and I wanted to be sure no other large projects were assigned to me immediately following this one. Being the architect of most of the in-house tools we use I figured it would be best to allow ample time to find a replacement or alternative strategies moving forward. I’m not sure giving a full three months notice was necessary, it may have simply added a false sense of security for the managers knowing the date was a ways off. Regardless, I’m hopeful and optimistic moving forward, and I’m glad to be leaving on excellent terms with my current employer.
So, at the start of this month I began assembling my portfolio and my resume and sent out several applications. I’ve had a few nibbles which may develop into work opportunities, but nothing is certain yet. I’m hoping to get a few more of my projects together in a presentable format over the next weekend so I that have more than two finished games on my portfolio. It’s still a work in progress, though I suppose it will be until the day I die.
I’m really looking forward to moving out of Regina. I’ve been mentally prepared to move for a while now, always thinking “I can’t really make too many permanent connections because this is only temporary.” I would advise against this mentality as it kind of puts you into an unhappy limbo where you stop yourself from forming or maintaining personal relationships. On the other hand, I really wanted to be free of any excuses to move on and I achieved that. The entire sleep apnea problem/horror story made this a lot easier because it essentially wiped my slate clear, I’m not really happy about that, but it’s in the past. I’ve also had an excellent opportunity to single-mindedly focus on becoming an instrument of my craft. I’ve read more programming books in the past year than in all of my university career. I’ve been writing code full time as well, which has provided an excellent opportunity to apply what I’ve been learning as I go along.
Though I feel stronger at my trade than I’ve ever been it is funny that the better you get at something, the smaller you feel. I am confident in my abilities; I am a strong programmer and am good at what I do. At the same time I feel humbled. This may sound like a paradox, how can you feel confident and humbled? It’s difficult to describe. I see the limits of my abilities and the vastness of potential knowledge. I also know that I don’t even fully grasp the situation, so I’m not even aware of the true depths of my ignorance. That is humbling. On the other hand, I know from experience that I am a capable problem solver and am better than average. Other developers at work consider me an expert.
It is strange that I was considered an expert by my peers in university, high-school, and grade-school. I look back and am amazed at just how little I knew then. I can’t be completely certain of my own skill even now, but at least by comparison I am improved. The new me is stronger, and tomorrow I’ll be stronger still. It’s thrilling. To look around and realize that there are others who are levels above me is equally thrilling.
Onward!